Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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