I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
