I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
