I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
