I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
