I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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