love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
time to smoke my breakfast
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
