...so i touched it.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
