'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
