So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
