it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
