I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
