If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
