sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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