She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She needs sedatives and a leash
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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