when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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