How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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