I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
