WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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