i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
