Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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