I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
someone owes me an orgasm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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