At least make sure they are 18
Why
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Its about making memories worth repressing
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You have to summon your inner elephant
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
