my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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