I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Randomize
