if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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