omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
