On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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