you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Randomize
