It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
