You can't special order awesome
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
