there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
