I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
