i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
