I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
