Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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