this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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