You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
