you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
