$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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