I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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