So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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