Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
