she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
