she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
