you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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