I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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