Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
