Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
