I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
