Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
