girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
