Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
