Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
