So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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