meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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