Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
