dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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