I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I touched a dick in church today
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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