worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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