She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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