I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.