I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
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Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.