Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Dating After Heartbreak
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.