apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?