glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance