I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Who died my cat blue again?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
