I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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